Success Is on the Other Side of Avoidance
One of my biggest pet peeve’s is when somebody has a problem with me, or a situation I am involved with, and refuses to address the problem in a straightforward manner.
It used to frustrate me so much and then I started to ask, “Why?”
- Why is this person avoiding me?
- Why can’t this person just say what’s on their mind?!
Well, I started intentionally going out of my way to ask these people these questions about why they were avoiding conflict.
The result? They simply were afraid of the unknown and their thoughts and emotions were filled with “What ifs?”
- What if it turns into an argument?
- What if my feelings aren’t accepted?
- What if it’s too uncomfortable?
After recognizing that these questions are rooted in a desire to avoid pain I was able to be more accepting of where they were coming from. I mean, nobody enjoys emotional pain or rejection.
Accepting others for who they are in these situations made it easier for me to let it go and not take it personally when I was being avoided in the face of difficulties.
Letting go of my personal connection to it made it so that I could calmly approach people who may be avoiding confrontation and do it in a kind, compassionate, and understanding way that helps them feel safe in expressing themselves to me.
This has improved relationships greatly in my life. BIG WIN!
BUT…
All of this awareness about other people avoiding the potential pain of the unknown caused me to be more aware about how I may also be doing that in other areas of my own life.
Specifically money.
In the midst of becoming an entrepreneur I had to borrow from Paul to pay Sam. Sometimes Paul was a credit card and sometimes Paul was a friend or family member. Sam was always one of two things: a bill or an investment in my business ventures.
After having spent over a decade living on a fixed income as a Registered Nurse with zero savings I had to become comfortable with debt in order to accomplish my goals. I had to be okay with it knowing that I was starting to make more money as an entrepreneur. In the beginning there were times that I would make in one day what I previously make working full time in the hospital.
This made it very easy to justify of the debt. I would tell myself that I would just make a lot more money and pay it off in the future.
But when a few slow months hit and I wasn’t able to make the payments I avoided.
- I avoided the collection calls so much that I stopped paying attention to them even though they were calling multiple times daily.
- I avoided bills in the mail. They no longer existed in my brain. Anything that looks like a bill went straight to the trash.
- I avoided the reality of my ventures and that they simply weren’t as lucrative during that time period.
- Make a spreadsheet of your debt
- Write a list of the habits you know are detrimental to your health and reflect on what discomfort they help you avoid
- Make a list of people you owe apologies to
- Create a vision of what it would take to transform your life into something that you really desire
- Be honest with yourself
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