“How Do I Leave An Abusive Relationship? I’m Scared.” #AskTRAV
The Question: “how do i leave an abusive relationship?”
“I want you to know that nobody deserves to be belittled. Nobody deserves to be made to feel like anything less than an amazing person by the significant other in their life.” ~Travis Lloyd
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National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−7233
or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
The fear of leaving an emotionally or physically abusive person is a very real fear. But I want you to know that many other women who have gone through what you are experiencing and come out on the other side always look back and say, “I wish I would have been brave enough to leave earlier.”
The reason they say that is because it only gets worse. Once someone feels like they have control over you they will eventually do worse. Slowly, over time the abuse will become more frequent and they will begin to feel invincible. This behavior does not exclude anyone. Rich people, poor people, intelligent people or less intelligent people, it doesn’t matter; we all can potentially fall into unhealthy relationship habbits. If you care about who he is as a person, you will leave him and encourage him to learn and grow into a better person.
If you value yourself, you will stand up for yourself. It is scary, but I hope this will help you brave the storm:
- Mentally prepare yourself.
Start telling yourself that your abuser is no longer your companion. They are no longer the person that keeps you safe and secure. Remind yourself that being alone for a while is much safer than living in fear.
- Tell your friends and family what is happening
Don’t keep it a secret. Once they know, he will likely be too embarrassed to be quite as brave as he has been in private. According to this great TED talk from a domestic violence survivor who truly faced life and death, once others know, he is less likely to retaliate. Most importantly, you will have a support system in place. But if you wait too long you might wake up 10 years later wishing you had been brave enough today. You do not have to be ashamed. It is not your fault.
- Set a plan for getting away
If you live together you will need to make an extensive plan. If you don’t live together, you will face feeling lonely. You will need to make plans to spend time with people who care about you, doing something constructive, and most importantly doing things that you enjoy. If you don’t set a plan for how you will spend your time you will be much more likely to fall back into his arms for comforting just to wait for it to happen again.
It’s difficult, but your future self will thank you.
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Thank you for reading “How Do I Leave An Abusive Relationship,” an #AskTRAV response.
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About The Author
Travis Lloyd is an inspiring motivational speaker with a powerful story of Overcoming Adversities to achieve Happiness and Success – Against All Odds. As a Youth Motivational Speaker and Positive Hip Hop Artist, Lloyd’s audiences include high school, college, leadership events, and conferences for educators, child welfare and mental health professionals. He speaks and performs internationally, but still works as a Mental Health Crisis Worker and advocates for social change that impacts at-risk populations. He is a board member of Foster Care Alumni of America, VP of the Our Fields Of Hope Foundation and co-author of the book Fostering Hope For America. Find out more at www.TravisLloyd.net.
“Name another person who’s rapped in a church, high school, hip-hop club and college campus all in the same month.”
