How Do I Overcome My Fear Of Abandonment ? #AskTRAV
the question: “I have a fear, paranoia and obsession about friends abandoning me…
when something happens in our friendship… I just wait for friends to find a fault in me and walk away. It affects me daily. Any suggestions?”
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Often times, these types of fears stem from some sort of previous traumatic experience in which you experienced pain as a result of a loss. Maybe a close friend or family member, possibly a parent. Issues like divorce or someone moving away that was a strong emotional support for you. I would recommend working with a professional therapist who specializes in addressing these types of issues. For now, here’s a few things you can get started with:
- The best thing you can do is start to train yourself to be aware of the exact moments when you start to feel that anxiety set in that stems from your fear of abandonment.
. - Once you are able to become aware of when you are feeling those feelings then you can identify why. The why is called the trigger. Triggers are specific experiences that cause us to experience the same negative feelings as when we experienced different negative events in the past. For example, if you were once verbally abused and frequently yelled at by an alcoholic father and later he ran off with your older sister’s friend, never to return then you experienced a traumatic event.
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The loss of your father would be your initial experience of abandonment. Later in life, your subconscious mind might associate any argument that results in yelling, with feelings of abandonment. In turn, you would associate those feelings with a friend who is involved in an argument or yelling at you. The reality might be that when your friend was yelling at you, it might be a simple argument and that person cares about you enough to talk it out. After talking, everything will most likely go back to normal. But your subconscious mind is screaming HELP I’M GOING TO BE ABANDONED AGAIN!!!!!
“You are in control of your life and you can choose which direction to take it. Every day is another opportunity to make the right choice…”
- Once you can identify the trigger(s) you can start to train yourself to understand that it is a trigger that is making you feel that way and that it is not likely your friend’s true intention to abandon you.
It takes time, effort and a dedication to being willing to experience negative feelings in order to be aware of them. If you find it overwhelming to do this by yourself, try asking your friends what they mean when they say or do certain things that cause you to feel anxious. You don’t have to tell them that it makes you feel anxious, but you can if you feel they might be supportive. Hearing them say that they will be there for you might ease the process. Just be careful not to allow yourself to make them feel responsible for making you feel okay.
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Thanks for reading “How Do I Overcome My Fear Of Abandonment?”
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About The Author
Travis Lloyd is an inspiring motivational speaker with a powerful story of Overcoming Adversities to achieve Happiness and Success – Against All Odds. As a Youth Motivational Speaker and Positive Hip Hop Artist, Lloyd’s audiences include high school, college, leadership events, and conferences for educators, child welfare and mental health professionals. He speaks and performs internationally, but still works as a Mental Health Crisis Worker and advocates for social change that impacts at-risk populations. He is a board member of Foster Care Alumni of America, VP of the Our Fields Of Hope Foundation and co-author of the book Fostering Hope For America. Find out more at www.TravisLloyd.net.
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