He Said “I Love You” FIRST But I’m Not Ready – What Do I Do?! #AskTRAV
The Question: “What do I do when a man says “I love you” but I’m not ready to yet? #AskTRAV”
If a significant other is telling you they love you (and says it first) then it is important to identify whether or not it is being said in a healthy way.
What does it mean to say “I Love You” in a healthy way, you ask? Just ask yourself these questions:
- Have you been together for a significant amount of time?
- Do you know each others’ friends and family, quirks, etc?
If these special words come out before he knows that your aunt looks like Will Pharrell and you fart every time you sneeze then does he REALLY mean it or is he still high on the extra dopamine that gets released during the first 20 times you make out? – I’ll admit, I may have been guilty of this once or twice. - Are they emotionally stable?
This means the absence of extreme anxiety related to the relationship and that they are emotionally supportive to you. It also means that they don’t avoid touchy subjects like talking about feelings and they are secure in who they are and in who you are to them. - Do they have patterns of repeat breakups over certain behaviors that they have not fixed?
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If you find fault through asking these questions then there might be something “not quite right” about your significant other jumping to the “L” word and … YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT.
If you are unable to find fault through those questions, then consider this:
- You might not be fully ready.
Maybe there is some work that you can do to improve how you feel about yourself and how secure you feel in the relationship in order to accept their love. If you can have a candid conversation about this with him and he’s truly in it in an emotionally healthy way then he might just help you get there. Just make sure you don’t drag him down in the mean-time. - OR … maybe you just aren’t a good fit for each other and shouldn’t waste any more time.
You can simply say, “I really enjoy you, but it just doesn’t seem to be a good fit.” The old saying “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” is very true. Be careful that you don’t just use this as a cop out to avoid doing the work to improve yourself and your ability to be a secure and emotionally stable partner.
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If you find that it becomes really strange and doesn’t feel right, then consider just checking out and moving on.
What’s Got You Down? Do You Have a Question? Tweet @TravisLloyd With #AskTRAV To Get Your Answers!
By no means is this a complete list of how to handle when “He Said I Love You First”. Check out this other article to See If He Really Means It When He Says I Love You.
About The Author
Travis Lloyd is an inspiring motivational speaker with a powerful story of Overcoming Adversities to achieve Happiness and Success – Against All Odds. As a Youth Motivational Speaker and Positive Hip Hop Artist, Lloyd’s audiences include high school, college, leadership events, and conferences for educators, child welfare and mental health professionals. He speaks and performs internationally, but still works as a Mental Health Crisis Worker and advocates for social change that impacts at-risk populations. He is a board member of Foster Care Alumni of America, VP of the Our Fields Of Hope Foundation and co-author of the book Fostering Hope For America. Find out more at www.TravisLloyd.net.
“Name another person who’s rapped in a church, high school, hip-hop club and college campus all in the same month.”
